vendredi 30 mai 2014

There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!

There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay?( my case) And how do you get rid of someone who won't go( his case)?
the whole situation was super ugly for both of us , cause it was never a win win situation its was a lost lost situation , and the time we invest to hurt each other me with my OAG meme , a weird stalker, jealous, or committed to MY love  to an unhealthy degree, him with his cold attitude , black cloud on his head , unfaithfulness. i was loosing myself trying to get back in his life at any price , my efforts pushed you over .you were sure of you trying to cut off totally with me .the breakup was as traumatic as i can never describe ;there was lots of crying and begging pleading, but his cold attitude , serious statements , and the unbearable " I don't love you no more"   put a great wound there before a true love can forgive. It'd be different if the breakup was mutual and you we sat down like adults and realized we needed to go your separate ways, but that didn't happen likewise. 
i went through the pleading and begging and trying to make him understand how lovely it would be for us to be together , anyways i thought that we had this great love  that gonna make us go through everything
. He seem to be suddenly cold ,distant ,unwilling to continue the journey.
I disappeared. of course there was no place for me to stand there at all. i deleted his facebook not for getting attention but for my own sake not to check on him. I wish we could be friends. i like him too much to be friends. but i just feel i lost my best-friend . butwecant be friends anymore !what  an odd idea!! .i couldn't keep up with his disappearance and re-appearence since,and he couldn't keep up with my mood swings and my drama queen attitude . it ended so lame for both of us ... from prince charming to smashing my heart , ndI from cute kind funny babe to an OMG / bitch /liar/ I never knew what he thinks about me he sucks at confrontation , He was just a natural screw up. He wasn’t willing to change for anyone, in fact I don’t think he’s capable of changing because he’s just demotivated and lazy in every aspect of his life. Disappointment in any kind of engagement he will take. The only relationship he fares good in is his friendship with his guy friends. Definitely loyal and go out his way for them.

Anyway,  I have a crappy social life,busy schedule, which means I think of him during down time. My friends think that he is truly remorseful the way things ended between him and I, and that he just doesn’t know how to make it up to me. some of them think I'm better without him . I just think that i lost a part of me.
I just wonder if he would ever contact me to tell me I miss you etc. At this point I want to know if I was even a factor in his life, that he would miss me SOMEDAY. even if he misses me ill be damned if i ever talk to him again, I just imagine that someday he will meet me , ill be pregnant , he gonna wish if he was my baby's father , i will see the regret in his eyes someday , anyway ill name my baby boy on him .

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