what kill's you ??

Death was always a mystery for me , it's the most scary life fact that i couldn't accept , i
couldn't explain , i couldn't understand . i know for sure that i will die , we all gonna die soon or later . No one can claim having supernatural powers of infinite existence , the so called "immortality". 

Death is defined as the cessation of all vital functions of the body including the heartbeat,brain activity (including the brain stem), and breathing. for me , there is different shapes of death , because there is different kind of humans . i guess we face death many times in our life , may be its the way god want us to appreciate more the life gifted .What amaze me more than anything , is that even the acceptance of death is different from a human being to another , even if its the same thing ...we all know that its an unknown journey , there is no coming back ,and we don't know for sure what is waiting  us there. some think that there is no after-death , some have great faith in Resurrection , some are just wanting to leave their hateful life , they just want that death desperately, they choose to die by an overdose of cyanide , or they just jump from a bridge .

Death can be a reward , a fear , an escape , a solution , a justice , a war , a peace , a confusion ,a believe , a metal group ...it can be important for some , neglected by some , worshiped by
some , vandalized by some .

I've been reading a paolo coelho story " VeroniKa decides to die" ,its a story about this girl that tries to suicide , she is a young beautiful working woman , no one can understand her wish of dying . while i was reading the book , i realized that death is not the only thing that kills us , we can die everyday little bit inside, when we lose faith , compassion , joy of life...when we are chocked by the crucial behavior of some other humans , when we are hurt for no reason , when we are misunderstood , when we are tortured .People can just die inside because of sadness , they feel that their souls want to leave their bodies , and they decide to end their meaningless life .

As a Muslim , i highly believe that the soul and the body , are the gift of GOD . We have
no right to stop the body function ...but how about the soul ? how can we help ourselves
not feel sad and depressed ? some will just insist on the power of believes and spirituality ( if you believe in the great power of god and you hold into your faith ,you are going to be saved). I
Know for sure , that when you try to come near god , god helps you ! but we all have experienced that awful helpless feeling of desperation and anger ...even with all the spirituality existing in the world , you cant be just happy easily . we are a sadistic creatures , we just choose to suffer for impossible love , misfortune , social classes , poverty ... we just find that thing that we cant have and start mourning about it day and night or whenever we are alone .
Those persons that decide to end their life , they just think that they have the right to do
that, they don't have a clue that god has his mysterious way of deciding the exact date of our
birth and our death . some suicide attempt succeed but some don't , because god who decide
that . Recently , a maid threw herself from the 5th floor of some building , she was being
raped and she couldn't live with that , so the story is , a drunk man saw her , and he wanted
to rescue her , he didn't think about it to understand that if he catches her it will kill him , he
just did it . she is still alive , been hospitalized , and he was dead . I guess that's an example
of destiny or fatality . there is lot of turning point in our life , that we never thought that they
will change our life . we meet people that we never imagine that we will meet . life is weird ,
death is weirder .

If you want to understand more my point , watch Magnolia , a movie by
Paul Thomas Anderson ,because it has underlying theme of unexplained events , inspired
from true stories . One of the true stories that this movie is inspired from , the story of Ronald Opus :
Ronald Opus is the subject of a fictional murder case often misreported as a true story.
The story was originally told by Don Harper Mills, then president of the American Academy
of Forensic Sciences, in a speech at a banquet in 1987. The story first appeared on the
Internet in August 1994 and has been widely circulated since, on Web pages, in chat rooms,
and even print publications. It is a fabulous story, Ill quote it from wikipedia :

" The popular account of the story is told as follows:
On March 23, 1994, a medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building with the intent to commit suicide. (He left a note indicating his despondency.) As he passed the 9th floor on the way down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers, and that the decedent would most likely not have been able to complete his intent to commit suicide because of this.
Ordinarily, a person who starts into motion the events with a suicide intent ultimately commits suicide even though the mechanism might be not what he intended. That he was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not change his mode of death from suicide to homicide, but the fact that his suicide intent would not have been achieved under any circumstance caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands.
Further investigation led to the discovery that the room on the 9th floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. He was threatening her with the shotgun because of an interspousal spat and became so upset that he could not hold the shotgun straight. Therefore, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking the decedent.
When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. The old man was confronted with this conclusion, but both he and his wife were adamant in stating that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. It was the longtime habit of the old man to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun. He had no intent to murder her; therefore, the killing of the decedent appeared then to be accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.
But further investigation turned up a witness that their son was seen loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal accident. That investigation showed that the mother (the old lady) had cut off her son's financial support, and her son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that the father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son, one Ronald Opus, had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to get his mother murdered. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a 9th story window.
The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

For me two , its a suicide ..but the magnificent key of the story , is that he wasn't dead the way he chooses , he was killed the way God wanted .

Once you are Dead , you can feel relieved of all those burdens , living is the hardest thing we can do , living with those small death's of everyday ,  those parts inside that dies with everyone that just vanishes from our life , or those white genuine innocent parts of us that dies with every injustice, discrimination and prejudice we face . 
Maybe I'm crazy , but i do imagine my death , most of the time its in the hospital dying from a disease " i don't know why?" may be cause its more dramatic . then i just imagine who's gonna cry ,who's gonna forget me easily , who's gonna visit my grave ...then i just see my mom doing all that . so what kills us ? what kills you ? what kills me ? .....we just loose faith in people's love and devotion .