love....what???!!!

when we talk about love , we cant find lot of things to say , yes we do an effort to describe the feeling and it consequences, but what can make us sur that this is the real love . how we can seperate the love from the affection from the attraction!!! what make this feeling so hard to understand,so hard to expect,to hard to deal with,so hard to get rid off ??!!!before we start to talk about love , i wanna share a love letter that i had received , to see what people can say to each other when they fall in love .

""I always knew that love would come find me someday
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your pictures.
It's true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humor, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
"it isn't finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see
From when you laugh to when you're upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we've made it through
I know as long as we're on this journey together, there's nothing that we can't do.
Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfecter of what I believe
because what we ask for in Him, we in return shall receive
Where your treasure is, your heart will be also" is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely
I know I don't need to prove my feelings to know they're true
because what I've known in my past, doesn't come close to the experience I've shared with you
I've had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I've been truly happy... I couldn't ask for anything more
it's an honor to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He'll bring us together in His beautiful time
For now, I'll be waiting patiently for that day when we'll be together
that precious moment in time when I'll say, "it's you that I want to be with forever"
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, "I Loveyou" ""

if we take a deep look at this oustandingly romantique letter, we gonna see that this man is talking about real love ,unconditional love,strong love, happiness, honour,and this will power of wanting to spend more time together. all this is very encouraging and very beautiful, love can be really a sweet feeling. but if you ask me ill say that all this is bullshit!!! if it was true, we will be still together, where did he gonne...vanished...or maybe the love is gone...like we fell in love yesterday ,and we forget all about it tomorrow , so the love timing is very short!!im getting a little bit confused:

What does it mean to love another person? and how much time it last? and why is it impossible to controle this feeling? every person has asked himself those questions.to care truly for that person's best interest, to be willing to sacrifice one's own life for that person's well-being, and so on, the list is infinite.its the heart, the brain , from when we get this immature decisions and that childish statements?!! 

 

the biology of love

If you’ve ever fallen in love with total abandon, experienced wonderful, powerful chemistry and then felt a strange anxiety and separation developing between you and your partner, you know that it isn’t a welcome experience. This particular pattern may have repeated itself on more than one occasion. This could be a chemical reaction in order to recover from the “pleasure/reward” stimulation of dopamine, since too much of it can cause nerve damage.

Biology, working against us, continues to persuade us to ruin perfectly good relationships in pursuit of its procreation goals. The basic neurochemical reward for engaging in passionate sex is a blast of dopamine to the “pleasure/reward” center of the “primitive brain.” In rat studies, the mechanism has been known to work so well that it’s been found that allowing a rat to stimulate the “pleasure/reward” part of its brain without constraint, it can “delight” itself to death without even stopping to eat.

Based on the above, can we then surmise that biology really serves our best survival interests when it encourages that sort of chemically addictive scenario? It has now been argued that this compelling, chemical reward mechanism that worked well for distant forbearers in relation to the scarcity of food and sex, now actually creates havoc in the modern world. It may be precisely what is behind other social addictions such as gambling, food, alcohol and drug excesses, obesity, and the like.

So, what does all this have to do with dating in general? Well, it can add to the complex nature of how people interact with one another and the openness of an individual. If someone has been “burned” psychologically due to the “love hangovers” they experience, it may make them less likely to jump right in for more, even in a new situation. One common term is “baggage.” Both men and women risk the chance of difficulty dealing with the high/low chemical cycle that comes along with powerful that can make relationships and the pursuit thereof more difficult and stressful than joyful and exciting.

Often, people tend to blame previous, current and even potential partners for the distress of prior neuro-chemical compulsion. The tendency can worsen over time, as the subconscious associates the initial pleasures with post-pleasure relationship issues.

Another drawback to the high/low syndrome of neuro-chemical compulsion seems to include coping by constantly changing partners or resigning to an asexual existence and emotional isolation.

Fortunately, usually the benefits that accompany open-heartedness that includes appreciation, giving, caring and closeness far exceed the risk. On the upside, an improved hormonal balance can strengthen immunity to disease, regenerates cells, frees arteries of cholesterol and helps maintain ideal health. 

in the end they all say that this chimical effects vanish in 3 years , so what make the model of relationships  survive after those 3 years ( we all have witness the exemple of a couple or more that stay together for years ( exp: my lovely parents ) ???

Harmonious Relationships
 
In short, harmonious relationships offer far greater rewards than biology’s mere empty disadvantages. Even when it is clear that we are headed to a destination we don’t like, we have the power to choose between abstinence and the thrill of intimate union. The answer lies in a middle path for sexual expression that’s been around for the ages, such as those found in Taoist, Tantric and even pre-Roman (Gnostic) Christian texts. But few have experimented with those paths since society has been under biology’s spell for so long.

The key is to find the balance in your own life that makes you feel comfortable, rather than compromising your own reality just to be considered “normal,” or accepting someone else’s standard in that regard. This can be done with respect for all parties involved. As long as your intentions are out in the open, you can develop your own strategy that will allow you to enjoy your physical and romantic life at the level you choose.

If you’re consistent, you’re likely to discover a reconnection with yourself and those around you such that an equilibrium will develop and benefit you in other areas of your life. You’ll have more energy and can pursue your goals more efficiently.

So, if you want to garner new prospects and/or protect a budding relationship from biology’s trickery, try to develop a strategy that is unique to you. Resist the temptation to follow what the media and society tell you to do. Not only will this put you in a power position, as a result, you just may discover the deeper rewards of lasting intimacy, from a very ancient source.