Letters

  Moment of truth

You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be -- white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming -- they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying. A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. 'Never leave that 'til tomorrow," he said", which you could do today.' This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it. It can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically.

 Those lines are quotes from a TV series, I know that packing the paper with quotations will not necessarily strengthen my argument, but at least it will provide important pieces of evidence. After 5months or may be more, I figure it out that I don’t understand you and I will never do, you are gifted of doing strange things, I'm really amazed by your enthusiasm and energy. you are a smart guy, and you have lot of qualities, but sometimes you get lost in details, and details count, it lead us to truth's. I always felt that you are having this dilemma debate inside of you; you can't decide what you want. Do you want to please the violence of your heightened senses, or live chaste and reasonable love? Cruel dilemma; and you will not escape that easily. All I can ask for you is wisdom, tensions may exist because of your lack of tact or your excessive authoritarianism. I knew it from the beginning, being with you is quit challenging. I accepted the challenge, I did follow you. I shouldn’t, you did warn me to pay attention and that you gonna mess my life. I think that I was foolish when I taught that I was strong enough to deal with. I am not. Will I miss you? Yes. Will I remember you? Yes. In a good way? I hope so. Once you lost me, it's done, like they say it's a smoken gun.i hope that you will not regret this. And after all I wish you the best. You were my prince charming, the father of my twins, my toy queen and the best boy friend I had if I can call you a boyfriend. May be I wasn't smart and wise enough, marylin Monroe said once that A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. I can't kiss someone that I don't love , I do listen and I believe until I'm hit by the ugly truth and I can't leave you until you leave me. This is me. Take it or leave it.

Lot of kisses ………… meriem.

 Precious confession

I always knew that love would come find me someday
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your pictures.
It's true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humor, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
"it isn't finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see
From when you laugh to when you're upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we've made it through
I know as long as we're on this journey together, there's nothing that we can't do.
Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfecter of what I believe
because what we ask for in Him, we in return shall receive
Where your treasure is, your heart will be also" is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely
I know I don't need to prove my feelings to know they're true
because what I've known in my past, doesn't come close to the experience I've shared with you
I've had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I've been truly happy... I couldn't ask for anything more
it's an honor to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He'll bring us together in His beautiful time
For now, I'll be waiting patiently for that day when we'll be together
that precious moment in time when I'll say, "it's you that I want to be with forever"
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, "I Love You

 Sadness

Where do I start? It doesn't matter, I don’t even know if you going to read this letter or not. And even if you read it, maybe I'll have no response. It's just my way to feel better. Lately I have been feeling so exhausted. Thinking and analyzing all the conversations make me lose my mind. I'm searching between the lines, I'm confused.

I don't know how you feel. My feelings for you are still the same and memories don't erase, they stay with me. Really, Can't you see? Every step I have taken, every word I have said, since October 2010, has been to bring myself closer to you.

Suddenly without any notice, you have been gone, don’t you remember that you have promise me several times, that the day that you will decide to call off, you will put me in the picture .this is not brave.

I tried to convince myself that it was just a game; it was a relation on the net, so it doesn’t count. But I just can't get you out of my head. It is becoming worse, I'm so freaking out, imagining all kind of bad scenarios. I just hope that you are fine, healthy and safe.

I won't forget you, because you were not like anyone I ever met in my life, you were special, I found a lot of me in you, I understand a lot about me through you.

I'll never know your truth. I forgive you, whatever were your purposes. I don't care about how you were dealing with this. It just I'm very sad that things turned to be sad and mean less.

I look for you in strange faces, in all Audi cars. Every time I hear your name I turn to see the person. I miss your silence when you don’t respond to my useless prattle. I only wish that it was at least one moment of truth in all this.

With any luck, next year I will be dating someone. I'm trying now but it doesn't work. I need more time to wake up from this nightmare. But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's time to final confession. To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until God gives me strength to forget you.

(God is helping me a lot actually, my phone is gone, it was stolen by a little girl . i lost all my numbers and my  msgs…even yours, and when I went to have my number back I couldn’t remember the phone numbers that were calling me lately , so I have a brand new number .)

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss you like hell.  ~Edna St. Vincent Millay .

I hope that you will have a good happy life .

 wondering

It is your fault if I think that you do not care about me. You haven't ever taken the trouble to talk to me, to tell me what you think.

 What you do is simply shout me down or refuse to understand me on the ground that I am talking nonsense or at least what seems to you like nonsense, or maybe u don't want to be involved more than  you already are.

It is no reason at all for not giving me a hearing, for log out without saying goodbye.

i am always prepared to listen to you, hoping that someday you will be ready to talk to me.

If we on either side are ready to employ reasoned arguments rather than prejudice opinions, and exchange taughts and explanations, we going to understand each other perfectly.

i am tired of being the one who must always take the initiative , wanting to solve problems and working on having a good relationship between us.

you can be rigid and cold, but i know that is only the mask that hides you, underneath is that guy that I love… he is wiser, better informed, more mature, infinitely more experienced, better balanced than me, he is so kind and generous, and I know if I had him next to me he will protect me and make feel the happiest woman on earth.

It is up to you to prove it by using your superior attributes in order to help me, I am weak. Who else can I turn to but you?

I still continue to open my heart, my soul and my mind, I am waiting you, but you keep always rejecting me.

I feel that you don't care sufficiently to want to keep me in your life. All I wish is that you spend some of your time from your pressing concerns to give me what I desperately need and taught me how to do the same with you.

I don't need much, sufficient time for me , little bit care, little bit attention and may be your love if it's not an impossible thing to ask.

All these words make me remember a quote from Julia Robert's movie when she said: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.

So if you feel that you can't do that, I just want to know your reasons, this is the minimum that you could do for me.

Lot of questions is making me feel hopeless and miserable just answer them. Have you opted out? Don't you care about me anymore? Or is it too much trouble to take time off your own affairs to find out?

 Waiting ... -_-'

I think that this is it. You keep showing me, but I take time to understand…I  keep sticking like glue. I keep making excuses for this unusual thing between us, I should know from the beginning that it's not about excuses anymore, the excuses that you can't give , and the ones that I'm making for you .maybe you are right ,and I'm not ready to understand ,or maybe you are wrong and you take yourself way to seriously, and maybe there is a piece missing in all this. The point is that I don’t care about excuses anymore, I think more about solutions!

When I decided to let go, you reject my decision, you did promise that after 3 weeks, you would explain everything. Seriously I couldn’t wait more, I was to disappointed to wait or to believe. After your call, I felt that you deserve a last chance. So what did you do after 3 weeks? What kind of explanations do you have? What do you have in mind? I could never know because Mr. is too busy to talk.

It's so sad that you keep telling me that you are real, and you are not .I trusted you, but you couldn’t do the same with me. How could I expect to see you ,if you can't even show me your pictures .I feel so stupid right now , remembering that I was so ashamed and sad ,thinking that I did hurt you . You hurt me all the time, and you never apologize. I apologize and you don’t forgive me, see the difference between us.

It doesn’t matter now, to keep bringing all the facts and try to analyze and make efforts, you aren’t even sure if you want me for real or not , you keep searching in my pictures . Maybe you are a picky person, but I don’t need one in my life, a person that can only pay attention to my flaws, wanting me to change for him, try to reach his standers. You are so selective that few people will find favor in your eyes.im not gonna wait to see if I can be one of this few people.

 I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more.

I don’t think that you can blame me now, because I was patient and I did all what you want me to do, so you can let me go unless you have something to say …and I'm not sure of that. Just tell me that you are not sure, and you want to call off. Just be honest!

 White flag

I took so much from you, you did me wrong every time, but you really cross the line now, you know what did I realize? …you never express regret about those things that you do. And you will never be able to.

Forgiveness is a gift that we have made ​​of yourself first, when you say that you are sorry, you don’t just please or make the other person feel better...No. it's not only about that!! It's about reaching your inner peace. It's about drawing a line under your resentment. You don’t even express your feelings, I get you all the time, but I want you to tell me what's wrong. i need to hear something from you, I want to talk .every time I try to make an effort to know you better, to be more easy, more careful, you make me one of your silent scenes and you shot me down. i feel that I've been so spiteful lately ,and I'm not like that ..I'm a peaceful person and I can't stand headlocks.

I just wanna understand...if you are occupied to do whatever you've been doing. Why you tell me to wait for you??This is very disrespectful, no one has ever treated me the way you do.

I forgive all the time...I forgive you, I forgive others. i make mistakes and when I say I'm sorry I really mean it and I really expect to be forgiven .to forgive doesn’t mean to forget or to excuse , it means that you are ready to move on and that you want to stay .

If you can't do this, you are not able to love.

Do you think really that all this hard time is for a good reason? Seriously I have my own doubt, I don’t know why should I suffer this way? Have a hard time, go through all this, when you are doing what you are doing …I'm not going to talk about things that I didn’t witness.

P.S: when you found a solution let me know ….salaw lia m3ak …white flag!!!